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It’s Monday morning; Jed shows up to class looking tired and gaunt. He whispers that his grandfather accidentally ran over his dog on Saturday and he held that injured pet as it whimpered in pain to the ER just to watch it die. How much Spanish vocabulary do you suppose he’s going to acquire?
Jade came to class early to drop off her duffel bag; her mom brought her but her dad is picking her up after school and the two of them aren’t speaking. Not only is this child stuck in what feels like a battlefield at home, but she’s forced to bring her baggage to school, literally and figuratively. And her parents can’t understand why she’s failing math.
It’s Monday morning, and these are just two of the thirty friends in your class family who are there to tackle your content; how do we, as educators, bridge the 18” gap between the heads and the hearts of our true national treasure, our children, our future to help ensure both academic success and social emotional growth? In my four decades as a teacher, school counselor, and character coach, that answer has always come back to investing in a climate of compassion and caring that counts, by implicitly modeling, explicitly teaching, and judiciously building those relationships and connecting by heart.
Key Practice #1: Start at the door. It was two decades ago at the National Forum on Character Education in Houston when I heard Hal Urban suggest that greeting students at the door was a must for building relationships, so I returned to campus and we started a “Greet others the way they’d like to be greeted” campaign. Teachers would stand at the door and offer high fives, hugs, and handshakes. It proved to be a pretty simple way to get an emotional barometer as we routinely looked into the eyes of each student, connection before content. Then, before I knew it, students became the greeters as teachers put their own spin on our kindness crusade, empowering their learners to lead the way and become empathetic heroes to those classmates who might be struggling. Through the years, I’ve continued to trade off being the greeter myself and giving students that opportunity; I’ve also added fun getting-to-know-you door questions and/or invited them to share a favorite wellness strategy or well-being tip so that we can get to know one another on a more personal level as we build trust.
Key Practice #2: Circle Up. Once we are all together in the room, it’s time for our opening circle. Just like breakfast is an important meal for our bodies, Morning Meeting is critical daily nourishment for our souls. Initially, we started as a school family to implement Morning Meetings using the Responsive Classroom model. We equipped our teachers by introducing them to the five-step process and we purchased the books with integration ideas and team-building activities. Then we empowered them to take that fifteen-twenty minutes and make it their own. The beauty was that there was no one-size-fits-all way to connect. Some would start with a morning song, others with Show and Tell, still others by sharing good news, bad news, happy news, or sad news. There’s just something so special when one child hears another’s sad news and compassionately pats them on the back, puts their arm around them, or hugs them. With permission, of course. Laura Rachita, our music teacher, who drew five names daily to share their news, tells this powerful story: “Tori had already shared her news in music class that week, so it wasn’t her turn, but her classmate so desperately wanted me to hear Tori’s good news that she gave up her turn to let Tori go again. The good news? She had just learned that her mom was cancer-free. We all cried together that day.” Circle Time truly can be a safe place to hold space for and empathize with one another.
Key Practice #3: Pause and empower. Seizing teachable moments throughout the day and stopping as needed to help process uncomfortable emotions and assist with conflict resolution is a crucial step toward learning to communicate compassionately with one another. As the day winds down, the two promising practices I’ve used effectively are the Closing Circle and the Reflection Exit Slip. Instead of allowing a bell to dismiss our students, activities that allow for reflection as they encourage goal setting for tomorrow equip our learners to take ownership of their learning, engagement, and behavior. Ask: How did you do today? Were you the best that you could be? How might you make tomorrow even better? Invite them to buddy buzz, journal, or sketch their responses.
Key Practice #4: Phone home. As the class starts to get to know one another and gel as a family, I find it important to connect with caregivers to let them know who I am and find out what I can do for them to help their child be successful in our class. I accomplish this by calling them on the phone: “Hi, Mrs. Swartz? This is Mrs. Gruener, your daughter’s Spanish teacher. Yes, she’s fine. No, she’s not in trouble. I’m calling to tell you all of the reasons that I love having Ellie in our class family.” Then I proceed to list off all of the things that I love about their child and it’s such a strong bridge-builder. We laugh. We cry. We connect. And they feel grateful and happy knowing that their child is accepted, valued, seen, heard, appreciated, and loved.
Additionally, we carve out time to intentionally shorten that distance between our heads and our hearts with resources that feed our souls:
🔑 Use Gary Lamb’s music to soothe and calm during collaborative partner time and independent practice and unify by singing together whenever you can.
🔑 Dance to upbeat rock music to move us physically when our brains need a boost.
🔑 Stock a Peace Corner with gadgets and fidgets essential oils, deep breathing exercises and textured fabrics that can help us reset and re-center when emotions threaten to overwhelm.
🔑 Take time for yoga stretches during transitions. .
🔑 Keep a classroom gratitude journal.
🔑 Offer choice boards to optimize our learning.
Can I count on a strong return on my investment? The year was 1990 and David was a feisty, red-headed freshman boy who couldn’t have cared less about Spanish class. He goofed off a lot and I found it difficult to connect with him. My dad offered this advice: Find something that you like about him. When my priority switched from teaching Spanish first to growing with David and I quit being so frustrated that he chose a subject he didn’t even want to learn, I found that he had quite a keen sense of humor and I grew to love that kid even though he clearly couldn’t stand my class. Flash forward thirty years. I’m sitting in a SuperCuts waiting for my stylist when in walks a redhead I recognize as David, now a confident adult, father of two, and famous photographer. He greets me and we catch up, then he quickly adds that he didn’t care much for my class and can’t speak much Spanish, but he does remember one thing. And right there, in the SuperCuts salon, some 30 years later, this grown man starts to sing his ABCs in Spanish. From start to finish. Because it felt safe. Because he knew I cared. And because there was still a mutual trust and bond between us.
Soon it’ll be Monday morning again. And again. And again. Our students will show up at your door wearing their emotional backpacks, desperately needing a safe place to unpack and belong. How do you create a climate of caring that will yield a strong return?
About the Author:
Barbara Gruener, a nationally recognized teacher and school counselor, is blessed to have grown alongside thousands of children and adults of all ages and stages through her four decades in the schoolhouse. She truly thrives on connecting by heart and unwrapping the present as she passionately works with the intention of helping school stakeholders and leaders create a climate of acceptance, belonging, compassion, and love. Barbara is also the author of two Mom’s Choice Gold Award books; her most recent picture book, Birdie & Mipps, was just released. Barbara grew up milking cows on her family’s dairy farm in Wisconsin, but she and her family have made Texas their home.
Twitter: @BarbaraGruener